Every year new year eve, people will go count down, at bukit bintang, the curve, Times square, 1U, KLCC, ect...
For me, i dun like the crowd, some say that is the crowd that make the occasion merry or have that festive feeling but i dun feel so. For me, is not what occasion that count or where u celebrate... Is with who u are celebrating with... With the right person, everywhere will be "Times Square... ..." Beautiful fireworks, cheerful crowd is nothing to me if is not share with the right person.
I dun want to be at just anywhere, with anyone, jus somewhere, or with someone... I wanna to be with THE ONE
Sunday, December 31, 2006
2006... A year gone already... Again!
What i have done this year? I can't think of anything that i m proud of to say about 2006. My year is compress of IMU, study, exam, then holiday when i do crab stuff n the imu, study, exam all way long again... But nevertheless 2006 have been a fine year for me:
I,
1. Still living n breathing(Thanx GOD!)
2. IMU haven't succeed to kick me out... YET?
3. Went through numerous episode of sad n unhappy period in one piece
4. M still a big crying baby even that i look OLD
5. Still suck at most of the stuff i do
6. M thankful that i have a supporting family n frens
7. M still alone
8. M still FAT
Looking back at the year i feel empty. Let just hope that my 2007 will be live it at the fullest!
HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone!!!
I,
1. Still living n breathing(Thanx GOD!)
2. IMU haven't succeed to kick me out... YET?
3. Went through numerous episode of sad n unhappy period in one piece
4. M still a big crying baby even that i look OLD
5. Still suck at most of the stuff i do
6. M thankful that i have a supporting family n frens
7. M still alone
8. M still FAT
Looking back at the year i feel empty. Let just hope that my 2007 will be live it at the fullest!
HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone!!!
Friday, December 29, 2006
My new year resolutions...
1. Get lighter
2. Lower my BP by 10 mmHG
3. Don't get kick out by IMU
4. Exercise more
5. Exercise more
6. EXERCISE MORE!!!
7. Learn to love myself,
8. N love others as well...
9. Find THE ONE
10. Be more of a people person
11. Be good not BAD!
12. Learn to control my temper
13. Be more sincere to MYSELF
2. Lower my BP by 10 mmHG
3. Don't get kick out by IMU
4. Exercise more
5. Exercise more
6. EXERCISE MORE!!!
7. Learn to love myself,
8. N love others as well...
9. Find THE ONE
10. Be more of a people person
11. Be good not BAD!
12. Learn to control my temper
13. Be more sincere to MYSELF
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Insomnia Blue...
For sure there wil be no insomnia during holiday... Just want to write on the insomnia blue during the two weeks of exam. I never thought that i will have insomnia althought that i m fragile to pressure(like most of my close fren know). This is due to my 22 years of my life experience: I control my sleep, i want to sleep, i slept. That how the sleep system of me goes for 22 years. But finally the sleep system finally crack under the sem 5 exam thanx to--- the one n only most difficult pharmacy course in the whole wide world(to me), Bpharm at IMU!!!
It all start at the beginning of the exam, due to some exam strategy, i should have more sleep during the first few days of the exam then the sleeping hours will be cut down gradually as the exam goes on. But that "genious plan" doesn't seems to work like what it should be. I lose sleep on the first day of the exam(due to pressure, not study). I slept only a few hours. Then the second day i thought i regain my sleep control after i slept soundly but it come back to haunt me on the 3rd day of the exam.
It all started when i decide to sleep earlier- at 11pm at precise that day. Then, at 1am, i m awaken by the sound of basketball?? Yes, my apartment have a mini set of basketball. That start my sleepless nite. I try to go to sleep afterward by i feel palpitation(one feel own heartbeat), n flatulent(stomoch gas) once i lie down flat. I m rolling around my bed but i jus can't sleep. I listen to the ticking sound of the clock n i thought:"S**t! If i not sleep now how can i do the paper n then how can i have the energy to study for the next paper, n the next paper..." It is like a neuclear chain reaction: once i insomnia, all things will ruin. That thinking doesn't help me sleep either...
U may ask: "Exam period can't sleep good ma, more time to study lo!" That come to my mind at first, but NO! I can't study when insomnia. I feel tired n saturated with notes n just wan to sleep. I can read but i saw alphabet, not words or meaningful sentence which will not help me on the exam the next day--- AT ALL!!!
What happen at the end is i only sleep like an hour--- on a sitting position at my desk! That sucks!
On the subsequence days, I also suffer from psychology insomnia: insomnia that cause by the effort to make him/herself sleep due to previous insomnia event. I try a lot of method: drink milk before sleep, destress n lots n lots of method. I even go to see a doc for hypnotic: i get zolpidem but luckily i don't need it as i finallt make it to sleep through non medical method.
That exam period is so damn stressful... U know what cure my insomnia once n for all???: holiday!!! No IMU means no report, no lecture, no portfolio, no PSD, no PBL, no workshop, no bla bla bla... In short: NO IMU= NO STRESS!!!
It all start at the beginning of the exam, due to some exam strategy, i should have more sleep during the first few days of the exam then the sleeping hours will be cut down gradually as the exam goes on. But that "genious plan" doesn't seems to work like what it should be. I lose sleep on the first day of the exam(due to pressure, not study). I slept only a few hours. Then the second day i thought i regain my sleep control after i slept soundly but it come back to haunt me on the 3rd day of the exam.
It all started when i decide to sleep earlier- at 11pm at precise that day. Then, at 1am, i m awaken by the sound of basketball?? Yes, my apartment have a mini set of basketball. That start my sleepless nite. I try to go to sleep afterward by i feel palpitation(one feel own heartbeat), n flatulent(stomoch gas) once i lie down flat. I m rolling around my bed but i jus can't sleep. I listen to the ticking sound of the clock n i thought:"S**t! If i not sleep now how can i do the paper n then how can i have the energy to study for the next paper, n the next paper..." It is like a neuclear chain reaction: once i insomnia, all things will ruin. That thinking doesn't help me sleep either...
U may ask: "Exam period can't sleep good ma, more time to study lo!" That come to my mind at first, but NO! I can't study when insomnia. I feel tired n saturated with notes n just wan to sleep. I can read but i saw alphabet, not words or meaningful sentence which will not help me on the exam the next day--- AT ALL!!!
What happen at the end is i only sleep like an hour--- on a sitting position at my desk! That sucks!
On the subsequence days, I also suffer from psychology insomnia: insomnia that cause by the effort to make him/herself sleep due to previous insomnia event. I try a lot of method: drink milk before sleep, destress n lots n lots of method. I even go to see a doc for hypnotic: i get zolpidem but luckily i don't need it as i finallt make it to sleep through non medical method.
That exam period is so damn stressful... U know what cure my insomnia once n for all???: holiday!!! No IMU means no report, no lecture, no portfolio, no PSD, no PBL, no workshop, no bla bla bla... In short: NO IMU= NO STRESS!!!
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Christmas Eve...
What m i doing for Christmas eve? Having fun in a rave party? Making a big sock so that it fits the HUGE present Santa bringing me? Decorating the house for Christmas? Nope, nope n NOPE...
So what i m doing? Actually i should be preparing to go to a yam cha session while waiting for count down, n then see the fireworks but sadly it have been cancel due to not enough kaki... So here m i... Doing a post in my blog... Then most probably will spend my 22nd Christmas eve alone watching Christmas eve special n dreaming of what i might have done if i can experience Christmas for once at any place where snow... A white Christmas... So nice, but i know is too much to ask for... After all, i have been NOT that good this whole year... So most probably no present for me... Next year maybe i should be better person... Or can i?
To all who celebrate Christmas: MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
So what i m doing? Actually i should be preparing to go to a yam cha session while waiting for count down, n then see the fireworks but sadly it have been cancel due to not enough kaki... So here m i... Doing a post in my blog... Then most probably will spend my 22nd Christmas eve alone watching Christmas eve special n dreaming of what i might have done if i can experience Christmas for once at any place where snow... A white Christmas... So nice, but i know is too much to ask for... After all, i have been NOT that good this whole year... So most probably no present for me... Next year maybe i should be better person... Or can i?
To all who celebrate Christmas: MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Life is like a box of chocolate...
Just finish watching Forest Gump... I know it's quite an old movie but since i dun have the chance to watch it before so what the heck, i wan to watch it...
Jenny(gump's girl fren in the movie) always said: "Run, forest, run...". It trigger me to think, whether is it really the best solution when facing a problem is to run away from it... not stay strong n face ur problems... Has what i have been doing for the past 22 years wrong? That's a big problem, so: Run, L2G run... Run from what bugging u, run from imu, run from ur problems, RUN!
Another part of the movie that make me think is the part when Gump eventually get damn rich but he doesn't feel happy at all... He can have the whole world but can't find anyone to share his happiness with... That's sad... V always think happiness come with wealthiness, but it's no so... Having someone which is important to u is worthless... Hold on tight on who u still have......
Lastly, i think that being not smart sometimes are better than being smart... They will have less things to worry of n they are more sincere n truthful than all those who are so called genious...
I like being stupid...
Jenny(gump's girl fren in the movie) always said: "Run, forest, run...". It trigger me to think, whether is it really the best solution when facing a problem is to run away from it... not stay strong n face ur problems... Has what i have been doing for the past 22 years wrong? That's a big problem, so: Run, L2G run... Run from what bugging u, run from imu, run from ur problems, RUN!
Another part of the movie that make me think is the part when Gump eventually get damn rich but he doesn't feel happy at all... He can have the whole world but can't find anyone to share his happiness with... That's sad... V always think happiness come with wealthiness, but it's no so... Having someone which is important to u is worthless... Hold on tight on who u still have......
Lastly, i think that being not smart sometimes are better than being smart... They will have less things to worry of n they are more sincere n truthful than all those who are so called genious...
I like being stupid...
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
What's life without... Work...?
Just finish one episode of one japanese drama. In the drama, one of the character said:
"Usually people live to 80 years old, the first 20 years is to learn, the next 40 years is to work like mad n the last 20 years only can enjoy ur life... "
Is that the truth? So i have already pass the learning part n now i should be work my a** off? But i m still studying wo... Does that mean my last 20 years of enjoy life will be shorten replace by mad working? So kesian...
Anyhow, i feel confuse as usually i will heard people said that u should enjoy every second of ur life but with that theory then v should enjoy our life via working(in my case in studying?). I never enjoy studying. It's like the hardest things to be done in the world for me... But when i feel like stopping there will be thinking of obligation of picking up the f**king book n force my sorry a** to buck up n study again. I m oblige to study... So damn sad... I once heard that study should be fun but that never my case...
When will my suffering end? Perhaps the last 20 years?
"Usually people live to 80 years old, the first 20 years is to learn, the next 40 years is to work like mad n the last 20 years only can enjoy ur life... "
Is that the truth? So i have already pass the learning part n now i should be work my a** off? But i m still studying wo... Does that mean my last 20 years of enjoy life will be shorten replace by mad working? So kesian...
Anyhow, i feel confuse as usually i will heard people said that u should enjoy every second of ur life but with that theory then v should enjoy our life via working(in my case in studying?). I never enjoy studying. It's like the hardest things to be done in the world for me... But when i feel like stopping there will be thinking of obligation of picking up the f**king book n force my sorry a** to buck up n study again. I m oblige to study... So damn sad... I once heard that study should be fun but that never my case...
When will my suffering end? Perhaps the last 20 years?
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Slow kill...
Y dun jus kill off my hope... Is it that enjoying to see the hope inside me fade off bit by bit... So cruel...
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
One more try, pls...
That's the scenario for me, when i m into something, i will try n try n try. Sometime the feeling of failure sucks n i just want to pull out to take back any pride n energy that left in me(if there is still any...) but i just somehow doesn't learn. I will be drag into trying yet another time and again greet by failure... Yet somehow i think that there is still hope n want to try again... There is like there are some people telling: "Dun give up yet, one more try n maybe that will do it..." But always the try will end with failure n the cycle begin again... I still believe in... one day miracle will happen...
Sunday, December 10, 2006
How long have it been...
How long have it been since u are touch by some small things in life, how long have it been since u cry due to some touching scene in drama, how long have it been since u last tell someone u love her/him/them?
Having to survive in this world, sometime one have to act like one dun care to protect ourselves... When v overprotect ourselves then v become from cool to cold n then robotic and lastly heartless...
That's for me how overprotective people evolve...
I m COLD but not HEARTLESS! I feel but not express...
Having to survive in this world, sometime one have to act like one dun care to protect ourselves... When v overprotect ourselves then v become from cool to cold n then robotic and lastly heartless...
That's for me how overprotective people evolve...
I m COLD but not HEARTLESS! I feel but not express...
Small things in life...
Sometimes v take most things for granted. V forget that how lucky v were to be walking, to be talking, to be breathing, to be living, to be eating(even the food s**k), to be studying n to be still able to be complaining for all those unhappiness(hmm... sounds like me). V should be grateful with what life give us with an open mind... Which i m still in the process of learning how.
Just finish a book entitle:"Tuesday with Morrie". It is about a old professor that have the illness of Alt. Support Lupus(ASL) where his muscle will slowly degenerate n then finally... u know... die... The book is about the 14 weeks of meeting of Morrie with his ex-student. They talk about: death, family, friends, marriage n other aspect about life... I like one of the theory: When v learn how to death, v learn how to live... The concept is that v live like v are going to die then v wil live with no regret. It's also means that when v are facing death, v seen things differently, all that is important suddenly become not important anymore n otherwise what unimportant suddenly become important.
It is like what House said in one of the episode: “The great thing about telling somebody they’re dying is it tends to focus their priorities. You find out what matters to them. What they’re willing to die for. What they’re willing to lie for..."
It trigger me to think whether i have been living a "fake" life... Is this what i want? Is that that important? Should i done that so that i dun regret later in life? What have i left out lately? All those are unanswered... I m lost.
The book really trigger me to think during this lazy holiday period. Let hope i can become a better man after solving all those question...
Just finish a book entitle:"Tuesday with Morrie". It is about a old professor that have the illness of Alt. Support Lupus(ASL) where his muscle will slowly degenerate n then finally... u know... die... The book is about the 14 weeks of meeting of Morrie with his ex-student. They talk about: death, family, friends, marriage n other aspect about life... I like one of the theory: When v learn how to death, v learn how to live... The concept is that v live like v are going to die then v wil live with no regret. It's also means that when v are facing death, v seen things differently, all that is important suddenly become not important anymore n otherwise what unimportant suddenly become important.
It is like what House said in one of the episode: “The great thing about telling somebody they’re dying is it tends to focus their priorities. You find out what matters to them. What they’re willing to die for. What they’re willing to lie for..."
It trigger me to think whether i have been living a "fake" life... Is this what i want? Is that that important? Should i done that so that i dun regret later in life? What have i left out lately? All those are unanswered... I m lost.
The book really trigger me to think during this lazy holiday period. Let hope i can become a better man after solving all those question...
Friday, December 08, 2006
D day...
Yesterday have been the D day of all Bpharmer... Which include me... Is the result day. I m damn nervous the day before... Wake up at 6am cause cannot sleep. I have to suffer throught tons of insecure n anxiety from 6am to 5 pm when the long awaited result finally came out. Dunno y they set the release time at 5pm... To see how student suffer looking at the ticking clock slowly moving to 5 pm? To torture student mentally? I m so stress out waiting for it...
Finally when i get the slip, i try to feel whether the slip is thick(according to "expert", thick slip means bad cause they attach the resit timetable with the slip). My first thought is "Phew, is thin..." N after i open the slip, the magic sentence appear: "Congratulation, u have pass all.. bla...bla... bla..." These sentense is vote the most wanted sentense in every IMU Bpharm student. Then only i feel relieve... From all those torturing n sleepless nights... Like what i predict, i just manage to pass PHP with a C+, but who cares... As long as my holidays is extended... I m safe for another sem... N the prize is... further torturing semesters at IMU. Which i will fight through(hopefully... finger cross)...
So, holiday extended... Yeah!!! N the cycle of lazyness can be continue for a further three weeks...
Finally when i get the slip, i try to feel whether the slip is thick(according to "expert", thick slip means bad cause they attach the resit timetable with the slip). My first thought is "Phew, is thin..." N after i open the slip, the magic sentence appear: "Congratulation, u have pass all.. bla...bla... bla..." These sentense is vote the most wanted sentense in every IMU Bpharm student. Then only i feel relieve... From all those torturing n sleepless nights... Like what i predict, i just manage to pass PHP with a C+, but who cares... As long as my holidays is extended... I m safe for another sem... N the prize is... further torturing semesters at IMU. Which i will fight through(hopefully... finger cross)...
So, holiday extended... Yeah!!! N the cycle of lazyness can be continue for a further three weeks...
lyrics...
This shall be the first Chinese words appear on my blog... I like this song a lot especially the below part:
"我不要听借口
我只想一人走掉
把泪留在街角
我不过希望你会听到
爱情化作一片片冰雪单调
不用你多说
我现在通通都了
我不要求什么
我只想不被打扰
把爱留在街角
就当你永远不会看到
记忆化作
极光出现那一秒
我开始微笑
以后会努力过得 很好"
The song is by F.I.R. n entitle: "北极圈". I thought i can be like what the last part of the lyrics which said: "I started to smile n i will try my to live a good life"... But i m wrong... I m still that pathetic geek who live a lousy life...
Sunday, December 03, 2006
How many the best there is???
Everyone in the whole wide world want the best: the best education, the best family, the best job, the best coffee, the best car, the best service and the best male/female to be their partner... Just how many of us can be THE BEST? In my shallow brain, the best means: ONE person, ONE thing n ONE event... So how can v all be the best n want the best?
To be frank, I m not where near the BEST. I m not even close to 2nd, 3rd..... 1000000th... At first i m content to be the 100000000000000000000000000x th, but nowadays i found out that people will look for the best out of u. N then if it is not found in u then they will be disappointed... Since when the world have been like that? I m force to work my AS* off just to go up a few stair in the so call "ranking list". Can't people just leave me alone n let me live my pathetic life... I feel tense and pressure when facing circumstances that i have to perform to certain standard: in exam, in social life, family expectation, and even facing myself... I m sick n tired off it. Is it that hard to accept a so,so person a near failure person? I M tired...
To be frank, I m not where near the BEST. I m not even close to 2nd, 3rd..... 1000000th... At first i m content to be the 100000000000000000000000000x th, but nowadays i found out that people will look for the best out of u. N then if it is not found in u then they will be disappointed... Since when the world have been like that? I m force to work my AS* off just to go up a few stair in the so call "ranking list". Can't people just leave me alone n let me live my pathetic life... I feel tense and pressure when facing circumstances that i have to perform to certain standard: in exam, in social life, family expectation, and even facing myself... I m sick n tired off it. Is it that hard to accept a so,so person a near failure person? I M tired...
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